Yoga

Another introduction done by my wife recently - joining Pure Yoga.

It was indeed a new experience. During the 1 week free trial, I was totally enjoying the Hot Yoga lessons, where u do the yoga poses in a hot room. You would be sweating like hell, and I have difficulties doing the poses. Partly due to the hot environment, but also partly due to stiffness. Either way, its not as simple as I thought it is.

Then came the spiritual part of yoga where you are taught to feel your thoughts, connect them, be aware of them and control them. This part was the most surprising discovery.

It could sound boring to those who haven't experience yoga, but I thought it was addictive for me. After a few lessons of yoga I felt physical changes. I felt I was healthier, felt I was more alert. Maybe these changes were why I joined in the end.

I felt it was a good investment. Yoga is a cardio exercise where u work your heart more than your physical muscles. During soccer, I used to run out of breath before I turned jelly legs. Now, i turned jelly legs before i run out of breath.

Physical changes coupled with mental awareness made me splash that $3k for 2 years unlimited contract. I think its money well spent if I continue doing it.

There has been some mishap recently, where my close cousin brother, a year older than me, had a close shave with heart attack during soccer. He experienced sharp chest pains and was diagnosed with an 100% blocked artery. It was lucky that he didn't delay going to the hospital, it could have been much, much worse.

Nonetheless, it was a wake up call for us to continuously invest in our body. We tend to take our body for granted when we were younger. It was always functioning for us. As we age, we pushed our body as though it does not tire because we didn't know it needed a break. That's suicide. Thats the problem, we tend to take things for granted. Which is why, we should be grateful for everything that happens to us. Yes, even negative things. If we have faith, we will pull through somehow.

Work has been smooth. 3 projects secured. Now its up to myself how I manage them to maximise profits. Afterall, its up to me. Nobody to turn to for advice except myself.

I realised that this blog shows up in google search and is trying to disable that. I'm writing for myself, a way to release my thoughts and also to continue practise writing in proper english. You would find many Gramar mistakes but at least this is different from writing on Facebook and whatsapps.

This will be my diary and will serve a interesting reminder of my life when I look back in old age. It will be fun!

Another New Phase

It has been an amazing ride since the past 2 years. Leaving Otis was the best decision I have made in my life after choosing my beloved wife. Joining BNF afterwhich geared me up totally for my journey now.

I got to learn from one of the best Salesperson from IBM. He ran a few business and is now doing another. I have never learnt so much from a person before, not even my father. He inspired me, changed me and tuned me to be a businessman. Whether I will become 1 is another matter all together.

When i was younger, i always believed my life is different. I deserved success, and before i got any, i acted like one. That was a great way to suicide. I spent money i never earned, i think of ideas that was never real.

Well, we all grow up one day. Fortunately for me, i didn't  have to go through any devastating experience. I just had to worked through a year in Newsteps. Newsteps is the actual company under BNF which manage lift business.

Anyway, its a long shot. But i felt i am finally on control of my life now. But in doing so, i have placed some burden on my wife. She has been supportive and has been wonderful in assisting me, like she has always been. I would like to thank her, and if i ever find success one day, she would be solely the reason why.

I have a great family background  with business structures in place. I have been in this industry ling enough to know the trade. I have a great wife and family behind me. What else can i ask for? If i fail, i should really cease to exist.

Whatever the case, life has just begun...

30th birthday

Suddenly, I am now at the Phase of life which is the furthest I have imagined myself to.be when I'm still day dreaming in my teens. I must say this, I have aged well. I think this is a good age to do a check on myself past 30 years of existence...

1) I enjoy turning to 30 than I did when turning to 21. Both were a milestone for me, but maybe I have Candice which I didnt have earlier. Well, I think that takes a huge pie why I'm enjoying every moment now too...

2) I have realised I have lost contacts with everyone whom were with me in my earlier part of my life. And I'm not talking about just friends. My cousins who were with me during childhood, somehow has distanced ourselves from each other. My army friends from BMT, OCS and NSF life are also not actively in contacts. Well, I still hear from them, and Facebook has indeed provided a good method to keep up to date with their life progressions. Also my Poly friends, sec sch classmates and everyone whom I have had a good relationship with. Somehow I feel quite bad about this, because I feel that I should keep good relationships with ppl whom I have been through thick and thin.

I need to seriously improve on maintaining good relationship with close friends. Some of us has started to start communicating through whatsapps, and I think at this age, I'm not the only one getting nostalgic.

3) My wife has always been a great part of my life. I have hurted her and took her for granted over a period of time. But luckily she stood by me and I definitely is grateful for ehatever she has done. She has given me a lovely daughter, she has helped in financially so we can upgrade ourselves. She is a real fighter. I'm glad she is enjoying her work and life now, and I will do whatever it takes to have her continue to lead her life.

I will also have to step up to show my love for her. I have seen real life examples of how a good marriage can end up on the rocks if not managed.

4) Managing my life. I think I can improve a great deal on this issue. I used have a bad habit of taking things too lightly and being over confidence in everything. This has to change. I need to start anticipating problems and plan things proactively. There are too many times I'm being reactive, leaving things to chances, believing there is a solution when times come. Apparently, there is no such things. All success are engineered and all situations can be controlled. Health, finance and looks are also to be better looked into and treasured before its gone!!

5) Candice is the only part which I felt I have given my best to her. Having said that, I hope I can be a good example to her for point 4. I hope she will not develop a sense of non-chalent which will impact a lot of opportunities.

These are the few points which will form the indicators if I have done well when I reach 35. Hopefully I can achieve the 5 goals which I would like to see myself improve on!

I just realised the below post that's still saved under my draft. It should be made more than a year ago, where one of my close friends were undergoing a difficult phase of their life. While, they didn't work that out in the end. Nonetheless, at least they are now both happy with their individual life. Here's the below posts...



Having watched so many dramas, nothing stir my heart as much as what i'm watching now.

Local made - 再见单人床。

Of all, I learnt a lot on love, marriage and most importantly, being a husband.

3 scenes touched my raw nerves.

Episode 13 - Ting kai is being chided for being too "reasonable"

Episode 17 - "Heart" betrayal protrayed by Qiu Yu.

Episode 18 - Priest preaching on love. 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒，爱是不自夸，不张狂，不作害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐；爱是永不止息 ——《圣经》


Male creatures are logical thinking creatures. Everything is analysed. Every movement, speech, facial expression and situation is properly processed in the brain. Then, in response, we make calculated reply or reactions to the situation. The end result determine how good we are in making the decision.
 
Decisions - seemed to be the top most criteria in every male's character. I give my respect to the best decision making person, regardless of his status. 
 
Hence, in front of our greatest and most precious partner, we past our judgement values on them. That means we think they judge us based on how we make decision. They DO NOT. But this is already drilled into our sub-conscious, and is already part of us. During arguements, any situation that requires instant reflexes, we forget this criteria, that women don't judge us based on our ability to make decision.
 

Why Her?

Ever since Candice is born, marriage and love between us was a roller-coaster ride. We could be lovey-dovy one day and then frown at each other the very next day. What has gone wrong?

I can only admit that I play a part in this. It takes 2 to clap. I've read an article saying that how to detect and look for tell-tale sign that will eventually lead to a divorce. Firstly, its eye-rolling syndrome. Any mistake or unhappiness, you tend to bottle it up or eye roll at it. Nothing is ever talked abt and nothing is ever solved. In trying to maintain peace, I have been doing this too many time. There is no real peace. Hard feelings are only bottled up and easily triggered again next incident.

I can only say that recently I've felt very left out. I felt that in her new job, she has begun to turn selfish and self-centered. Perhaps I'm becoming selfish myself that I think this way. Anyway, I can only attribute that to her new environment. I believe stress can make ppl especially ill-tempered, let alone she is all along quick-tempered. No hard feelings towards her though, but as times goes by, I felt that my silence is taken for granted. I felt that i'm not being respected, not as a man, but simply not as a family member. She tends to make all decision, without really asking what were my opinions. I felt very unregarded.

As time goes by, I just kept quiet. Like what the article pointed out, nothing is ever being solved. I don't know how to bring this up to her. I only know that if this is ever brought up, things will just turn ugly. I don't see how she's in the mood to discuss this. Maybe I am being unreasonable as well. I've looked at myself, and I realised that the eye rolling syndrome is taking a toll at me. I'm simply bottling it up, only to just fall into silence when I feel that she start to be unreasonable. Sometimes, quite abruptly, that she herself is being confused. I like her to ask me or pester me to cheer up. The frequency of it happening is very rare.

I feel that I love her very much. But since Candice is part of us, I prefer to turn my attention to Candice whenever the silence start. I just ignore her. I know all these are never going to change anything. I am at my wits end too. I just hope it won't get too serious, that it will hurt our relationship. As of now, I know that she loves me deeply, and I definitely love her more. Whatever the case, I value this relationship as much as my life. I've seen a good friend of mine going through hardship in maintaining his marriage life. I know that I'm not trying hard enough.

I promise I will try, to rekindle any love lost, and to win her heart with my might. I love you, Sharon Lee. But maybe you can consider my feelings more?

Many, as well as myself, has asked me what did I look in Sharon that I have her as my wife. To date, I don't know. Many description like "I knew she's the one once I met her" or "She's the one that made me complete" are very true. However if you really want to attribute it to a reason or substance, I can't give an answer. To date, I really don't know. I once read that true love are like this. You won't stop loving her whatever she becomes, because there is not a reason that you started loving her in the first place. Furthermore, to date, I never come across anyone who made me felt like what she did. In summary, I don't know why I love her, but i do.

20 Months and counting....

Candice is officially 20 months and 3 weeks old...

I don't mean to pretend that I've aged a lot, but looking back at how Candice was since her birth, I finally realise what's growing up. Many told me when your child hit age of 12, you feel as thought she was born 6 months ago..... how true!!

I have not been writing for almost a year, and I don't know what happened to me today. But i just felt sentimental, though I've almost forgot the existence of this blog, but hey, I'm back!! Don't ask for a date for the next entry though...

Candice is a smart girl (I believe all parents thinks that way of their children). She is very interested in Barney and iPad. Yes, its really iPad. She mutters "Barney" and "iPad" during her sleep. Anyway, that's her daily sleep routine. An hour of Barney before she turns in.

Although older generation may frown on introducing iPad, and I have my reservations as well, watching how she learns through different games on iPad pushes all worries away. Traditional methods of storybooks and stuffs doesn't work on her. She's just too active to sit there and learn, and her attention span is too short. But with an iPad in front of her, she will just sit there and fiddle around with it for the longest time she would , compared to the rest of the things in the world.

I wished she could go to school, but she's too young for that. I've enrolled her, but i don't understand why that childcare center doesn't even bother to call me back. Everytime I call up, the principle will not be in (apparently she is the only one who can deal with enrollments). I've registered as soon as Candice turn 18 months, and to date, not a single response from them. Well, even if they call now, I won't risk Candice to attend that kind of school.

I've also changed my job, and is a member of Otis Elevator. I'm enjoying every moment as yet, and I'm glad that I've stepped out of my comfort zone. Well, it wasn't a real comfort zone to be frank. Wifey also changed her job, and is also enjoying her new jobscope as well!

Nonetheless, my life continues to evolve around Candice, but now that she's bigger, i have more free time. My MIL is the best MIL in the world who never complains when Sharon and I goes over very late, and sometimes we will just leave it at her care while we go have some time for ourselves!! I'm glad that my MIL shares this responsibility, but I'm not going to take her willingness for granted. I know how tiring it is to look after Candice, and MIL may one day gets worn out doing that.

As a result of wifey travelling for her regional job, Candice stays over at my MIL place, as my MIL feels that I may have a hard time taking care of her(which i can do that very well). Candice has grown very attached to my MIL, and I believe Candice places my MIL in her No.1 place now. I have no complains though, just a bit jealous, but hey, its my own doing that caused this afterall.

Anyway, I will just hope that Candice could have everything she needs in life, and I hope I'm able to provide for her. I just hope that she can enjoy her time while being my child, and I try not to have any expectations for her. Not that she won't achieve it, but I feel that she should be able to choose and live her life, just the way she wants to. I hope she could pursue her own dreams, with utmost honesty and integrity. I will try to shape her attitude and integrity, and will leave the rest to her own decision when she grows older.

Meanwhile, I will still be doing many of the decisions for her.....

Fatherhood....Finally...

It's been 8 months...

I can't really find an adjective for it... but its called parenting. I haven't changed (although many says I did...) a bit for her... But I'm willing to it needs to be. Honestly, doing things for her sake is like almost dutifully. It doesn't feel like a task. Its rather like a responsibility.

I mean she's helpless of anything except feeding and opposite of that, cries and smiles according to her emotions. What else? Basically u make every single decision and every needs of her is taken care of.

Of course, there are like waking up 4 am to change her diapers, or waking up 5.30am because she wakes up that time... then sleeps at 6.15am again which leaves u wondering whether to go back to sleep or prepare for work....

To say I enjoy it? No... not really... I hate it?? Not a single bit.

I think I would say I'm willing to take up this responsibility. To those who thinks its easy. Let me tell u there are lots of sacrifice to be made.

To those who feel that they are not up to it, they should try it out. No room for regrets, but there are no perfect parents. (Now I know why....)

Of course, I must say thank you to my wife. Honestly, she made this transition slightly easier. She allows me to do whatever I feel like doing and she's definitely taking up responsibility as well.

Although there are many times she feels fustrated about me, she will try to put up with it. I understand that she feel not as loved by me as before (crazy.. I love her more than before...). But honestly, that's because I feel that as a mother u should be more independent already.

I can't say how grateful am I to her. There are times I wish that I could say I love u or sweet mushy things to her like in the past, but sometimes it just get stuck in my throat. When I gathered enough courage... I will be splashed with instant freezing agent like "Crazy" or "What the hell did u do wrong again today..."

One things I miss is how I always plant a kiss on her face or how i would hug her from behind. Anyway.. We are spending most of our time at my MIL place so... how do i do that in front of everyone??

But I honestly love her as much. And I would definitely treasure her as much as Candice. She always feels that Candice is placed higher in my heart. Of course!!!

But I don't think we can survive without her. Period.

I love u Sharon.

I really do.

(I love u 10 times more Candice~~~~)

Its so near yet so far....

My princess is not rushing to come to this world yet.....

She's enjoying her time now, kicking and relaxing in that little space of hers..... I shall tell u the most amazing thing on earth is to feel her kicks and movements through the tummy.....

That kick reminds me of my responsibility I will be going through. That kick tells me she's healthy. That kick tells me she's coming soon. That kick tells me she's going to be part of my family soon.

Its wonderful to feel her. Its just... amazing.

I getting prepared now. Everything that is needed should be bought already. But the needs changes over time, but this can be taken care of as long as I stay employed.

Its mentality. I didn't use to set example for anyone. I didn't use to educate or groom anyone. I didn't need to provide for anyone. I didn't need to lose sleep to anyone. I didn't have to serve anyone.

Now I have to. Rather soon.

Girl, I will love u....

P.S Your daddy and mummy just can't decide on a name for u. Your mum always comes up with new names while i still prefer Cassius. What do u think?